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Archive for July, 2010

Urbandaddy.com -Welcome to Bread.Butter.Cheese., a covert grilled cheese dealership operating out of an apartment and making drops in the tiny East Village park on First and First, starting today.

The process is simple. Almost too simple: you’ll text or dial The Man (we’ll call him Ronnie), and leave a message telling him how you like your grilled cheese. Ronnie posts his “inventory” of daily specials here, but he’s a resourceful chap and can do everything from your basic Wonder Bread with Kraft Singles to a buttery Spanish Malvarosa layered with caramelized onions and raw jalapeños (remember, there’s no such thing as purity in grilled cheese).

You’ll get a text back with a delivery time—like any good dealer, he operates around the clock—and then, a normal-looking guy will approach cautiously. You’ll give him the nod and hand over a small quantity of unmarked bills. He will pass you the bag. Then he will disappear.

And should Ronnie take a shine to your grilled cheese order, you may find as a bonus a can of beer or tiny airplane bottle of whiskey in the brown bag along with your sandwich

Jackpot. This is pure genius to me.

Obviously this operation is being pulled off by a previous crack cocaine dealer, because 1) he knows how to get people addicted to stuff (crack and mouth watering grilled cheeses) 2) he’s up all night running a covert operation, and probably is reliant on cocaine to keep churning out grilled cheeses and then delivering them. He’s smart too because the margin on grilled cheese is probably like 70% so he’s pocketing a ton of profit.  Also, what a fantastic idea to bang chicks. Imagine doing this is Boston?  You get a text from a drunk single chick coming back from the Sail Loft wanting a grilled cheese on Texas Toast with bacon, you meet by her apartment and as long as you don’t look like this Guy HERE you should be able to parlay this into a nice business for yourself.   I’d also include peanut butter and jelly as part of my repertoire so that I wouldn’t miss out on people who suffer from lactose intolerance.

-SD

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I was giddy when I wrote a blog back on draft day when Dez Bryant was selected by the Dallas Cowboys, knew this kid was gonna be great for team chemistry.  I am sure that all of you have heard this rather trivial story about Dez not thinking he needs to carry Roy Williams shoulder pads, which is part of Rookie hazing.  This is when I wish guys like Luther Shark (played by LT) from Any Given Sunday existed in real life.  Go to the 2:45 mark in the YouTube above (sorry I could only find the Spanish version).  When prima donna’s like Dez act like pussies, their SUV should be severed in half by a crazed, coked up, linebacker. Unfortunately,  I don’t think Roy Williams has the balls to do anything more than fill Dez’s locker with shaving cream.

Also, don’t you wish there were more Shark’s roaming around the real world to combat people in everyday situations.  Like say you are golfing with a someone who has a magic memory and isn’t counting his golf strokes, Shark then chainsaws their driver in half.  Wouldn’t Shark’s be nice to have around for when you are playing Blackjack and someone doesn’t hit on 16, you could chainsaw his chips.  And if Shark existed and some dbag banged your sister or girlfriend, you could…well use your imagination.

-SD

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Been on a hiatus from golf picks and the sport in general ever since Dustin Johnson put up 6, 7,9 and I think a 15 on the first 4 holes at Pebble.  He had a 4 stroke lead heading into Sunday and was rolling, but apparently he thought it would be a good idea to shoot heroin for breakfast.  DJ ended up shooting an 82, and costing me a nice pay day.  Since the US Open there have been some pretty JV events, like the Travelers Championship and the John Deere Classic where I could have broke 80, Steve Stricker fired a -26 to win.  I think he played left handed on Sunday and still shot a 70.

So I’m regrouping for the 3rd major of the season, The British or THE Open if you are talking to a Redcoat, The Old Course at St. Andrews is hosting the event for the 28th time.  You won’t see any croakies, pink Whale shorts, Cougars pretending to like golf or apple pie in the gallery.  You’ll just get a big dose of crooked teeth, toast, umbrellas, real golf claps and broads that look like Susan Boyle, I recommend not watching in 3-D.

Nothing flashy about the British and usually my least favorite major, cause I feel like any chump can sting one down the fairway, then roll a seven iron up to the green and two putt all day long.  Plus half the field is in the clubhouse by the time we wake up.  Yes the road hole bunker and hay will glom up Titliest’s, but for the most part scores are low. Tiger shot low in the last two Opens there  (-14)  in ’05 & (-19) ’00 and Faldo (-18) won in 1990.  The British is very difficult to predict because of the conditions (they got about 2 inches of rain today) and the next four days the average high temp in Scotland will be 59 degrees with over a 60% chance of rain each day and 20+ mph winds for Friday and Saturday…Balmy. Set your alarm clocks early and get your bets in soon, first tee time is 1:30 am.  Gonna roll with these guys.

Phil +1400

Ian Poulter +1800

Paul Casey +3000, great value w/ Casey

Martin Kaymer +3000

Sergio Garcia +5500

Robert Karlsson +6000

KJ Choi +7000

I don’t have odds, but take a look at Darren Clarke and Paul Lawrie if you do.

Good luck Chums,

-SD

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The Boss passed away this morning from a heart attack.  I hope he didn’t suffer.  I actually type this blog from New York where I’ve been for some pretty historic New York moments, Aaron Boone’s walk-off home run in 2003, David Cone’s perfect game and now the Boss’s death.

He always did his best to put the best team on the field to win a championship for the city of New York, so far you helped deliver  5 World Series titles in my lifetime.  My only criticism of him was when he made Don Mattingly cut his hair back in 1991 or be benched…

Thanks for the memories George, we’ll miss you.

-SD

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Hey Lebron! Boys and Girls Club of Greenwich Connecticut I’m sure they’ll need the revenue donation from the nicely positioned Vitamin water cooler you promised.  How about doing it in like Detroit or maybe Akron?

I started a tally of how many times he said ‘um during the interview it was 33, but I stopped when he said South Beach.  Jim Gray said ‘um once.

Have fun in SoBe getting Herpes with Dwayne Wade.

-SD

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I’m calling bullshit that Mormons don’t drink.  Cause I just read all over the Twitter wire that Jermaine O’Neal is leaning towards Boston.  This means Danny is either wasted from 4th of July weekend or is letting the office chimp run the business while every Free Agent from Dwayne Wade to Boozer, to even fucking Darko ,who I would rather have over Jermaine O’Neal, gets scooped up.

I won’t be terribly surprised when this happens if Perk gets crippled drunk drives to Danny’s house and assaults him, Doc resigns and the Big Three play a year pro-bona for the Heat.

O’Neal’s Stats versus the Celtics in the 1st round this year

2010 Playoffs

Games 5 MIN 23.2 FG 9-44 FG % 20.4% PTS 4.2 REB 5.6 TO 1.4

-SD

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But it’s the 1st so I’m getting my hustle on

-SD

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