Urbandaddy.com -Welcome to Bread.Butter.Cheese., a covert grilled cheese dealership operating out of an apartment and making drops in the tiny East Village park on First and First, starting today.
The process is simple. Almost too simple: you’ll text or dial The Man (we’ll call him Ronnie), and leave a message telling him how you like your grilled cheese. Ronnie posts his “inventory” of daily specials here, but he’s a resourceful chap and can do everything from your basic Wonder Bread with Kraft Singles to a buttery Spanish Malvarosa layered with caramelized onions and raw jalapeños (remember, there’s no such thing as purity in grilled cheese).
You’ll get a text back with a delivery time—like any good dealer, he operates around the clock—and then, a normal-looking guy will approach cautiously. You’ll give him the nod and hand over a small quantity of unmarked bills. He will pass you the bag. Then he will disappear.
And should Ronnie take a shine to your grilled cheese order, you may find as a bonus a can of beer or tiny airplane bottle of whiskey in the brown bag along with your sandwich
Jackpot. This is pure genius to me.
Obviously this operation is being pulled off by a previous crack cocaine dealer, because 1) he knows how to get people addicted to stuff (crack and mouth watering grilled cheeses) 2) he’s up all night running a covert operation, and probably is reliant on cocaine to keep churning out grilled cheeses and then delivering them. He’s smart too because the margin on grilled cheese is probably like 70% so he’s pocketing a ton of profit. Also, what a fantastic idea to bang chicks. Imagine doing this is Boston? You get a text from a drunk single chick coming back from the Sail Loft wanting a grilled cheese on Texas Toast with bacon, you meet by her apartment and as long as you don’t look like this Guy HERE you should be able to parlay this into a nice business for yourself. I’d also include peanut butter and jelly as part of my repertoire so that I wouldn’t miss out on people who suffer from lactose intolerance.