First night of the second round of the MLB playoffs, the start of the ALCS. The Evil fucking Empire versus the Texas Rangers, I’m stoked. As a diehard Yankee fan (since 1985) I am one of about a dozen people who are actually gives a shit about this series, unless you have money on the series. So I am here to help make everyone New York City Yankee fans for the next 2 weeks, jump on my back and I’ll show you to the promise land.
I wrote a blog about how 281 sends me a text before every series ‘what do you think about the Yankees?’ a couple weeks back. Well here is your answer to the one you’ll probably send me 15 minutes before the first pitch tonight.
Why the Yankees will win this series:
1) No Cliff Lee in game one or two. Huge blow for the Rangers…thank you Tampa Bay. This CJ Wilson kid is a nice story, but someone with one playoff series of experience against the best American League pitcher, has no shot. Rangers need to be in position to split in Texas before going to New York and now the odds are stacked against them to even win on game in Texas.
2) Curtis Granderson -he tweaked his swing mid summer and went from platoon player to the weapon we traded our best prospect for. Tore it up against the Twinkies .445 avg/ 1.227 ops and some clutch hitting.
3) Andy Pettitte – My favorite Yankee after Don Mattingly and Jason Giambi, most people argue that Mo Rivera is our key, but who gets him the ball? Andy does. He won three clinching series games last year and has most post season wins in MLB History.
Why Texas will not win the ALCS
1) Experience – I hate using the ‘experience excuse’ but this team doesn’t have it and neither does their Hall of Fame president Nolan Ryan. The Ryan express pitched in only 9 games during his 27 year career.
2) Vlad Guerrero – I love seeing Vlad bat against the Yankees. He swings at shit, makes bad base running mistakes and no longer is a threat in the field which was his best attribute against us. He’s an automatic out, Girardi and the Yankees staff have him game planned. Ron Washington will stick with him too long and he’ll end up killing the Rangers in a key At Bat.
3) Daryl Strawberry – Dude, we’re the fucking Evil Empire of course we have a plan B. The Yankees Brass have this covered off, if this series goes 6 or 7 they are gonna launch an attack at the Rangers top dog. Josh Hamilton, who is a sniff of O’Douls from going on a bender that would make Hunter S. Thompson and Scott Weiland vomit from sheer disgust, is a sitting duck. The Yankees will send Darrryl to wherever Hamilton goes after game five to congratulate him on his performance, a handshake later and that rapist wit will lead those two down a dark path that will end somewhere in Reno around 9:30am the next day. Trust me this has been discussed thoroughly. Mike Bloomberg even probably signed off on it.
Sorry but I got to wrap this up, game 1 is about to start. Go Yankees take them -185