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Posts Tagged ‘Mitchell Report’

Hello friends. So it’s be some time since we have last spoke. I was going to wait until Football season to relaunch BigRips, but I couldn’t help to stay away with all this steroid news the last few weeks.

First, Melky Cabrera, MVP and batting champ contender, in a contract year was on the verge of solidifying an 80 million dollar pay day. Well just so happens Melky has been on the sauce this year, he even took it a step further and made a fake web-site to cover his tracks. No beuno Melky. With your history of hanging with porn stars, you should have used the Ryan Braun herpes excuse. Next Barolo Colon aka Fatolo Colon whose career was over 6 years ago was busted for juicing. Not the poster child for the steroid community. Have you seen his gut lately ? Finally, Lance Armstrong, Mr. Livestrong, 7 time Tour De France winner, was stripped of his 7 championships after he dropped his fight against the drug charges. Armstrong said in his statement “Today I turn the page. I will no longer address this issue, regardless of the circumstances.” Apparently he took PR advice from Mark McGwire who infamously said “I’m not here to talk about the past” in front of congress.

Today I am here to talk about the past, here are the top ten steroids stories involving athletes who used performance enhancing drugs and their tall tales.

#10 Alex Rodriguez, MLB – ARod went on 60 Minutes and told Katie Couric in ’07 that he never used steroids, HGH or other performance enhancing drugs. He also told Katie that he was “never tempted” to take them because he felt he worked hard enough to compete without them. When he finally fessed up, his excuse “I was under an enormous amount of pressure”. ARod is on the DL and hasn’t hit more then 35 HRs since 2008

#9 Bret Boone, MLB – “Shh, don’t tell anybody” is what Bret told Jose Canseco when he started using. Canseco said it was obvious to everyone in baseball because of his cartoon character shape. Bret Boone averaged 14 HRs for 9 seasons suddenly found his stroke at 32 and doubled what he averaged for power numbers (37 HRs and 141 RBIs). He retired on ’06 citing a lack of passion for the game, a year after MLB put in place new testing policy.

#8 Alex Sanchez, MLB – An obscure player during the mid 2000s, Alex, was the first player busted under the MLB ‘s new testing policy. Never a power guy (career high 2 HRs) but he did steal a lot bases when he was on PEDs. Sanchez was suspended in ’05 said this “I take some kind of stuff I buy over the counter. multi-vitamin…muscle relaxers…Stuff to give me energy.” Who doesn’t pop a few over the counter muscles relaxers to get past that 2:30 feeling. Alex Sanchez now plays somewhere in Mexico.

#7 Marion Jones, Olympian – Jones who took enough juice to grow a pair of testicles, took those balls with her to a press conference, after she was investigated by BALCO. She said “I’ll answer questions in front of US Senate…I’ve accomplished what I’ve accomplished by my God given abilities” She later had to admit to using steroids when her attorney told her that she’d get 5-10 for perjury. After confessing Jones did 6 months in jail.

#6 Floyd Landis, Cyclist – Remember Sleepy Floyd Landis who toured America denying doping allegations after he won the Tour De France. He once said the higher than normal testosterone levels in his urine were from “…drinking a lot of Whisky…” I’m going to use that excuse the next time I fail a drug test at workLandis is training to get into NASCAR.

#5 Ken Caminiti, MLB – The ’96 NL MVP once said  “I’ve made a ton of mistakes. I don’t think using steroids is one of them.” Caminiti died in ’04 at 41, of coronary artery disease and an enlarged heart, both common side effects of juicing

#4 Shawne Merriman, NFL – At 21 he was the Defensive Rookie of the year and was suspended at 22 for a positive steroid test. An NFL source said that his positive test was “definitely for steroids … not one of those supplement deals.” Merriman went on to deny that he used Nandrolone (which has to be injected to work) and that it must have been put into the supplements that he was taking. He also went on the choke slam Tila Tequila. Merriman was cut by the Bills this year

#3 Tyler Hamilton, Cyclist – Not a household name, but Tyler Hamilton had one of the better excuses. He caught doping and suspended for two years for blood doping in 2004. His excuse? Hamilton said he had a “vanishing twin” which is a twin that died in utero. This was true, but apparently his twin can vanish and reappear on demand, because he tested negative 2 months before his positive test. Hamilton attempted a comeback in ’08 but was caught for doping and suspended for 8 years.

#2 Rocky, Boxing – I know he’s just a movie character, but I bet if you polled most Americans there would be a large percentage of the population that thinks Rocky Balboa was a real person. Rocky, well Sly Stallone, made millions off his Rocky movies and denies using steroids. He once told Matt Lauer on the Today Show “You have to put in years and years and years of hard labor to stay in shape,” It also doesn’t hurt to pump yourself with 48 vials of HGH, which is what Sly was caught with in ’06.

#1 Tiger Woods, Golf – Tiger has never tested positive but his doctor Dr. Galea has supplied athletes with HGH and was arrested in Toronto for carrying enough HGH to make Barry Bonds blush. He has treated 23 different athletes, 7 are confirmed with HGH. Add in the decline of his skills and his body breaking down (Achilles, hip, knee) before his 35th birthday, it’s just a matter of time before a teary eyed Tiger confuses on 60 minutes. Tiger hasn’t won a major since 2008

Of all these athletes the amount of time spent in jail for using drugs they obtained illegally is 6 months (Marion Jones). The lesson here, cheat to make your millions, then deny when you get accused. Then confess when the real heat comes down on you and you’ll be ok.

-Seth

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